Welcome, dear one.
Welcome, dear one. I am so grateful you are here.
The concept of “Oxygen First” started that day with my dear friend and mentor, a man I call my surrogate dad, Mike Rock, changed the course of my life. In fact, it was just in one statement and in that very moment, things shifted. It was an “Ah Ha Moment” that I will never get back. And it was in one of the most beautiful places in the world - Crested Butte, CO (a place that has become my unicorn place).
Let’s take a few steps back so I can set the scene for you. I was freshly a solo parent. I was tired, so deeply tired that the thought of that time can still bring me to my knees. I had a 2 year old genius baby who never slept and who had NEVER slept; he had an array of demanding health issues and was allergic to everything. I used to joke he was even allergic to air. I was working for a demanding boss who was in love with me and called me 24/7/7 days a week. It was rocket science after all. Seriously, rocket science! Dominic and I were trying to build a life together - me and this little man by my side. We had moved from another state with nothing and everything took effort to buy, to replace, to settle in. Everything was hard. Every. Single. Thing. I felt deeply grateful to be free to live and build this life with my little man, but it was all really hard. There was a lot of healing and growing to be done by both of us and I had always been so full-throttle in my life I thought that is was as simple as switching a light switch.
I was dating Peter Pan #2 post my divorce. Or we had just broken up - hard to say - because we likely happened over text. My magical notions of divorcing and instantly finding the man of my dreams were fading. Yep, I thought I would find him, we’d marry and have a family. A real family with homecooked, healthy dinners at the table and adventures on the weekend. That was the deepest desire of my heart at that time, next to freedom. I had cut from the chains - the chains of living a claustrophobic life in the suburbs and the chains of being married to what I then considered a controlling workaholic (a lot of personal growth has shown me how at fault I also was and terms like those serve no one, especially me and our son). But flashing back to this time, in 2015, I felt that strongly. I had created freedom to breathe and be me and light candles in my own home and not have someone angry at me all of the time. Freedom to sign up for adventures and races and to train and travel to my heart’s content. Freedom to be me. Freedom to do the things that set my soul on fire. Instead of my magical notions of meeting Prince Everything, I kept meeting kind men who were actually none of the things they said they were and who’s actions quickly did not align with their words. Frauds. Men who had no real plans to grow up and foster the family life I craved.
There we were, me and my little man, in Crested Butte, CO. We had brought one of my closest friends with us - Kerby Jo. Mike Rock took her and I on an afternoon ATV ride up into the mountains. This was in the fall of 2015, but that timeframe is all a blur now. I remember that we saw a bear on our ride, we splashed in lots of creeks crossing the road, we giggled and smiled and it was just filled with JOY. I remember realizing it was one of the first times I had been away from Dominic on a weekend and at the time that still felt like I was betraying my baby (actually a toddler then) trying to do something for me. We got stuck at one point and Mike rescued us and I have a great video of it. After awhile, we got to the point that he planned to take us to. It was a beautiful outlook with views of the surrounding mountains. It was breathtaking and a spot that everyone on earth gets to experience at least once. Once I figure out how to post pictures on this thing I will!
Mike is a quiet, gentle cowboy who is mostly a man of few words. When he speaks though, the mountains should move. He said something to the affect of “look at this place and soak it in.” I have no real memory of what he said in between that and his next statement or how they tied together, but he said “Dot, when you fly an airplane, who puts on their oxygen mask first? You, as the pilot, or do you put them on your passengers first?” I quickly answered that I would put mine on first, otherwise I might pass out and die and then no matter what my passengers would die, too. You can’t save people if you’re the only person who knows how to land the plane!!! Mike stood there and shook his head in agreement. And then he said,
“You have to do the same thing in your life. You have to put on your oxygen mask first. Dominic needs you to do that.”
It was profound and over the coming days and weeks I kept going back to it. I used it to create momentum, and creating that momentum mostly started with pondering the thought of it and pondering how I could do that or if that could be possible as a single mom. To begin the slow journey of putting myself first. It is still an intentional , slow journey that I am remain committed to.
“Oxygen First” is the premise of this blog and I feel called to write and to share my journey with whoever wants to read about it. Writing is a true passion and privilege in my life and I plan to embrace it. All of the messy, imperfection that this blog will hold is something that I am excited to embrace. Thank you for being here with me on this journey. And a very special thank you goes to the man, Mike Rock, and his amazing wife who helped me get where I am today. I would not be who I am without each of you in my life.
With Love, "
